Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
