ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
