just tell him i said nine months
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
