Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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