Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize