Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
