i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
