I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
