I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i believe in u and ur pee
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
