hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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