Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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