Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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