I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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