I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
