So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
