I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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