Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
