I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The power of my boobs compel you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
