I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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