He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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