why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
