bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
