sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Bring me that man meat
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
