If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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