Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
