Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
be right there i have to get my cape
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
