She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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