Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
