I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize