So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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