The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
