Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
