Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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