You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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