i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
