i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
