Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
