and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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