Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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