Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
