I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
