So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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