It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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