we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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