You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
