Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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