I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
