Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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