Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
