wakey wakey hands off snakey
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize