when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize