I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
