you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
