My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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