I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
