dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
