K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
