did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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