i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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