I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
