we have pet lesbian snakes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
