Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dear god my vagina.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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