And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
