It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
