Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
