What did we do last night that was yellow?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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