I'm so fucking centered right now
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I will die if light touches me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
tell me about the fingering
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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