there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
