i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
