I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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