Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
