I think my vagina is haunted
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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